D&D QUOTES...and other inside jokes


  • “Just killed ghoul, getting plastered” —Ser Hectre, at the tavern.
  • “So the ghoul is for sure dead…” – Abbott
    “EEEEEeeeeehhhhh”- Everyone
  • “Ah yes, the fucking harpies…”- Abbott
  • “Finish your drink!”- Ser Hectre
  • “I am wise and I am drunk! I am Ser Hectre! Now finish your drink!” – Hectre
  • “The rich get richer!”- Eldrad
  • “I just want to be a bear!”- Eldrad
  • Nevara’s player to Eldrad’s player: “You have amazing calves. [pause] Oh, I mean thighs!”
    DM: “Stop, its getting worse…”
  • Eldrad’s player: “I can light my room on fire!”
  • “Coward’s price bitch!”- Sir Hectre; after Eldrad’s arrow castrated a hobgoblin.
  • Eldrad’s player regarding fire beetles shininess: “Can I harvest them?”
    DM: “Only if you kill them first. [Beetle noises]."
  • “O sing the song of Hector, the knight of Fletcher’s Halls,
    he might not be too quick or fast but he cuts off cowards balls”- Ser Hectre’s song
  • “My cousin: the demon worshiping bear fucker.” -Ser Hectre about Eldrad
  • “Did you happen to see that hell tornado?”- Althaea’s player
  • “You’re not a man of 200 faces! You only have one face!” – Drunken Hectre
  • “Does it have a medieval umbrella in it?” – Althaea’s player, regarding a fruity drink
  • “Now I know why you worship demons, it’s because you’re a fucking sociopath!” – DM, regarding Eldrad’s mutilation of an enemy.
  • “Shuffling through my mind palace…” – Naiadé’s player
  • “He’s a parkour orc. A parkorc, if you will.” – DM, regarding Coldsweat’s backflip.
  • “I’m not cold of heart I’m just cold of sweat”- Coldsweat
  • “FOOD! FOOOOOD!” – DM, as Rabid Owlbear
  • “He rolls Insight versus your Persuasion… Nat 20. [pause] FOOOOOD!” – DM, as Owlbear.
  • “Paul, get away from the owlbear, you idiot!” – DM, as nameless thief.
  • “My only regret is that I have… bearitis.” – Hectre’s player, in response to Eldrad’s death by owlbear.
  • “Bone Hill!?! *Thrusting*” – Eldrad and Hectre’s players.
    “Please stop.”- DM
  • “I know where we are … My house is fucking 20 miles from here”- Ser Hectre
  • [whispered] “They’re always after me lucky charms,” – Hectre’s player, dropping into Coldsweat’s accent.
  • “Does the slime roll its baby [cubes] for its initiative?”- Naiadé’s player
  • “Hey cube! I fucked yer mum!”- DM
  • [blob noises], [awful slurping]- DM
  • “The attack’s actually quite powerful… [rolls dice] Well, actually not. Five damage.”- DM describes the ochre jelly’s attack.
  • [mocking] “I’m gonna kill you – I’m Eldrad- I’m a demon” – Naiadé’s player.
  • “The hammer is my theorbo”- Lucio’s player.
  • “Have we ever seen Hectre’s face?” – Naiadé’s player.
    “Yeah you saw me naked upstairs in a cage.” – Hectre’s player.
  • “What time is it?…..GOD?”- Hectre’s player“
  • “Everyone starts to sing theme song to Monk”-after discussing whether a cleric or monk is cooler
  • “ Ser Hectre isn’t just a tank, he is a fucking tank”- Ser Hectre’s player
  • “Eldrad’s pancakes are bitter? What?”- Althaea’s player about Ser Hectre sending secret messages through all his men
  • “Chew on this”- sorcerer as he put a flaming crystal in the gash of a peasant’s neck
  • DM:Describe the kill
    Lucio’s player-“Well you see Lucio is a musician… so he kinda did a drum solo…on his face”
  • “No need fur that. I can bear the weight myself”- Eldrad turning into a bear to carry a barrel of wine

RIP Eldrad :,(

*Sellen’s player describing new character
*Sellen- “Polishing a sword or something manly like that…”
*Lucio’s player- “Was he polishing his own sword or someone else’s?”
*Sellen’s player- “Why are all my characters assumed to be gay?!?”

*DM on what Sellen knows what Ser Hector did to Eldrad- “Is he intimately aware?”

Sellen’s player tries to push Daniel out of way – Elliot: “Sellen ploughs through?”
*Lucio’s player: “I know someone who prefers small trees” *smirks at Sellen’s player

*Sellen’s player: “I hate you all”

*Sellen’s player: “Sellen is an expert in body language”
*Althaea’s player: “He sure is”

*Orc: “Well I would had ripped off both heads”
*Other Orcs: ”What the fuck?”

*DM about signaling army: “Hoot once like a barn owl and twice like a shitty owl”

*Firebeetle: “He was mad and called her a bitch”

*Althaea’s player: “I want more elemental sex! It’s a breakup love story!”

*Lucio’s player: “My lake-y”

*Su-tsaii the fire elemental: “It’s a metaphor you potato with eyes!”

Lucio: “Have you heard of Tom Petty? Because now your free fallin’ !” *knocks orc of castle wall

*DM about giving Gravitas a frontal lobotomy: “I’ve cured a cold before lets cut open!”

D&D QUOTES...and other inside jokes

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